ever have losing streaks that last for weeks and effect not only yourself but everything - and, alas, everyone - you touch? i'm having that kind of losing streak.
i'm okay with fouling up my own life, but bringing someone along with me just tears me apart. this week i botched it big time with someone. the kind of botch that affects one of the most special events of someone's life. i did it. there's no one else to blame. i own my responsibility in the situation, but that doesn't make it better for me or anyone else.
and my biggest problem with this situation is that, while i'm able to forgive others almost instantly, i hold grudges against myself. as though i don't deserve forgiveness. and how can i expect forgiveness from others if i can't find it in myself.
at present i feel like i suck very large, very stinky eggs. i submitted an apology to joeapology in the hopes that externalizing my self-flagellation will help me move past it. send me good vibes if you've got them to spare.